I’ll admit it: one thing I have come to adore about my department is the daily doses of chivalry.
Most days, the men I work alongside will wait for all the women (and I mean, every. single. one.) to get on (or off) the elevator before they go ahead. If the elevators are our lifeboats, the women would live to continue running this country.
It goes like this: eye contact is made; a nod; a hand is placed on the elevator door; the women get on the elevator, followed by the men.
When I first started in the public service, I was completely unschooled. Once, a man held the door open for me, and I (convinced that there was someone he knew behind me) avoided him completely and went in another entrance. I left his chivalry hanging. Awwwwwkwwwward.
But now, I get it and I love it.
I love it because it’s so different from walking the streets of Ottawa, with it’s head-down-keep-to-yourself-sidewalk-culture. I’m from the prairies. Where everyone says hi as they pass on the street. I crave that connection to the strangers in my space. Makes me feel safe.
But at that same time, I’m also a feminist, and this behaviour is based on my gender, which complicates things a smidge, doesn’t it? I mean, it’s just a common courtesy to mindfully hold the door open for the person behind you. I know I do. But it doesn’t matter to me if that next person is a man or a woman. In my department, generally speaking, women aren’t expected to reciprocate the door-holding - it’s a one-way rule.
Some people believe that this kind of chivalry is an extension of the thinking that women are inferior to men. I’ve heard the argument that it’s just a clever way of checking out a woman’s posterior without being too obvious. Others think that this is a show of respect and kindness, which doesn’t correspond directly to women’s rights. I believe the latter.
In fact, it’s interesting to consider the possibility that in cultures where men open doors for women, there are other, more important doors, left open as well. I think the public service might be one of those cultures. I mean, I have seen many job posters where an organizational need to increase women is written into the competition.
Or maybe it’s just the ritual of it all. Public servants work in an environment that can be toxic, difficult to predict, and based on hierarchy. Workplace rituals can be a way of gaining control, giving something predictable to help cope with daily stresses and strains. For men and for women.
A friend of mine called this phenom ”the unspoken man code of the public service.” Since I’ve started thinking about this topic, I have chatted with lots of male public servants, and I have found that, by and large, men are pretty divided about this. Some abhor it, others adore it, and still others are completely indifferent. This morning, a colleague of mine made a big show of ‘opening’ the door for me by pressing the automatic open. To which I curtsied, natch.
I guess it comes down this: to me, it’s just a door. So hold it open (or don’t), and I won’t read too much into it. But I might write about it, and thankfully, that’s a door that has been open for me for all my life.
Tags: #goc, #w2p, bureaucracy, bureaucrat, musings, public service culture
